Something I noticed in writers’ groups is that most people have no idea how to write the opposite sex, regardless of which sex that is.
When it came to men writing from the perspective of a female character, they would write something like “Princess Giselle boobed her boobs boobishly as she stepped boobily out onto her balcony and leaned her boobage against the railing to think boobfully about the twin peaks in the distance.”
And when it came to women writing from the perspective of a male character, they would write something like “
,” because women in these writers’ groups never tried to write from a male character’s perspective.
Overall, I’d give the men a 50% grade out of 100, and the women a 0% grade for not even attempting the assignment. Actually, I take that back. I met exactly one woman who wrote a story from a male character’s perspective, about a successful corporate manager with lots of money who could not get enough of his demanding, morbidly obese wife who wore the pants in their relationship. Somehow, this male character was high up the corporate ladder despite being submissive in his relationship, and was happily expecting his first child with a woman who, in the author’s own words, was so obese that you couldn’t tell she was seven months pregnant. When she was done reading this story, every woman in the group glommed about what a gloriously written story it was, while every man shared a look. You know what kind.
Generally, both sexes were better at writing opposite sex characters as side or secondary roles, so long as they didn’t have to write from their perspectives. And by “better,” I mean in the same way a bag of garbage smells “better” than a pile of dog droppings.
I’ve mentioned before that there’s nothing inherently wrong with wish fulfillment, so long as you recognize that people with different fantasies aren’t going to enjoy it, but then you have aspiring authors who want to write believable characters, but come up with an idea that is so utterly insane that it borders on paradoxical, such as the dominant, successful corporate manager who is submissive in his romantic relationships.
The thing that makes writing from the perspective of the opposite sex so unique is that you can never fully put yourself in their shoes. When writing the perspective of a character from another race, you can get a better idea of what their lives are like by going to a place where you can experience things the way they do. If you are a member of the majority race of your country, you can visit a neighborhood where another race is the majority and experience, even if only for a few hours, what it is like to be a member of a minority race, or vice-versa. Taking that experience and thinking about how it would shape your worldview if you encountered that feeling everyday would then allow you to design a character who is in that mindset all the time.
But, if you’re a man, you will never be able to experience what it is like to be a woman, and if you’re a woman, you will never know what it is like to be a man. You can observe the lives of the opposite sex (as you should), and you can make theories, and consult your friends, especially friends of the opposite sex. But this isn’t really the same as experiencing those things yourself, and your characters will still be missing something critical. You can also apply this along trans-lines.
The only solution I’ve really found so far is to hire a beta reader of the opposite sex. Someone who can look at your male/female characters and tell you if their actions make sense, if their thoughts or reactions are believable. The key to this is that your beta readers must be willing to give you the straight truth. This applies to all beta readers, but they need to be able to read different characters and accept that protagonists aren’t necessarily perfect heroes, or that your villains are going to do villainous things, and not take offense when some characters who are clearly flawed don’t act like wise, all-knowing angels.
Admittedly, I’ve had some trouble with beta readers in the past. Hire beta readers you trust, even if they aren’t professionals.
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